My Surrogacy journey

Standing at the airport en route to Mexico for the first stage of the surrogacy process was incredibly emotional: I don’t think I have ever felt so lonely. It brought up a lot of emotions and I don’t think I was prepared for how overwhelmed I would feel. I cried a lot that day.

My niece Daisy

There are lots of children already in my life: my niece Daisy, my godchildren, Decca and Dexter as well as friends' kids but I’ve always wanted to be a dad. For me that’s always been a non-negotiable, except I have never met the right person. The biggest feedback from others on a solo-surrogacy journey is that many aren’t confident or comfortable becoming a parent on their own.

Throwback to a day out with my goddaughter Decca

Having a child is something which is typically shared between a man and a woman…a couple. And this surrogacy journey has resurfaced many feelings around loneliness and inadequacy.

The feedback from a Sunday Times interview I did at the end of last year was enormously positive: heartening because it’s very scary putting yourself out there. But so many people messaged to say that I had given them hope that they could do this by themselves because it can be a very hard, lonely long road.

My godson Dexter and I

It’s a rollercoaster of emotions: complete overwhelm and then moments later I feel it’s the best decision I will ever make in my life. The excitement and emotion are palpable, like nothing I have ever experienced before and a decision which has given me a real sense of purpose.

When I started the surrogacy process in the UK back in 2023, Mexico City had been suggested as a good option as it offered the same services as America - it’s legal and you have parental rights - but at the fraction of the cost. As a single man, with a business which is entirely self-funded, £200K to have a baby in America was not an option.

Initially, I tried this in England but quickly encountered several stumbling blocks. I learned – albeit rare - that the embryo donor can legally withdraw consent right up until the point of implantation, but there was another issue to consider.

Maude and I

My intention has always been to give my baby a sibling from the same egg donor so they would have a sibling which was 100% theirs. This highlighted the possibility that the egg donor from Ukraine or Moldova (options I was given), could possibly change their mind. I wasn’t sure I wanted to take that risk. Flights to Mexico were booked.

It goes without saying that choosing an egg donor is one of the most important decisions you are ever going to make in your life. In the UK you aren’t shown images of egg donors, but you are told their hair and eye colour, their interests, their favourite season. Of course for many, not seeing an image of your donor doesn’t matter once the baby is born.

Hats off to anyone who undertakes this route here, but I knew I wanted to see a picture of my egg donor, so I checked with the British agency to see if that was a possibility if I did this in Mexico. Reassuringly it was. In Mexico, donors can only withdraw consent up until the embryos are made. Here was a route where I got to see my donor and it also meant that my baby could have a sibling.

I reached the point where my sperm was ready to be frozen. A lot of people don’t realise that getting fertility fit for a male is actually an important step, especially once you have hit 45 as the quality of your sperm decreases at this age. I have done a lot to get my sperm ready. Following the advice of nutritionist, Anna King I avoided saunas, hot baths, cycling, and had to come off the hair thinning supplement, Finasteride. I also started taking Saw Palmetto, Cytozyme-Orchic and Mico cord (Cordyceps extract) supplements and advised to eat Brazil nuts for Selenium. Time to fly to Mexico.